The 2007 Tape

In January I signed up for this "business boot camp" in order to have access to an expert in business building and also be a part of a group of entrepreneurs who are in various stages of building their businesses. It has been GREAT I have made many valuable connections, both in a professional capacity and also I've made some great friends.

One of the things this particular program addresses (and the reason I signed up) is how to get past fears and mistakes that entrepreneurs often make. In other words, anyone who is serious about the program is willing to get inside his or her head and face negative thoughts, beliefs and actions that may be standing in the way and work to shift them.

The program also addresses all of the typical aspects of running a business (marketing, copy, website, getting clients, working with vendors, hiring assistants, etc.) in a way that really resonates with me. So I am busy putting this stuff into practice and moving my business forward.

I was dubious about business coaching at first. SKEPTICAL.

But I also knew that I was not going to get where I wanted to go with my business by myself. Not without some type of coaching/support.

VERY analogous to Silverman!

The program has NOT disappointed. In fact it has over delivered more than I ever could have imagined.

In addition doing my marketing, copy, client work and all of the "practical" aspects of running a business I've been working on shifting non serving beliefs and pushing past fears to build a business writing white papers and more . . . not sure what the more will end up being yet but that's okay! In fact it's exciting!

So, in this process the tape that plays in my head has changed drastically from negative, self flagellating nasty epithets to more supportive, positive, reinforcing "nice" thoughts.

Now, the tape started to change started WAY before I started this business course -- it started with triathlon, it started with Liz's influence and guidance through training. And a lot of the stuff I'm doing now to build my business is analogous to training. When things get hard it really REALLY helps me to look at things in relation to how I train and my business coach/group coach has really responded to this. She often asks me about training in order to better understand where I'm coming from so we can figure out the best way for ME to approach a given situation since MY business is unique.

So during this morning's longish run (1:14) I was surprised and dismayed to hear the old tape playing. Actually, it has been playing in the background all week and making everything harder. We're talking the pre Liz, 2007 tape, saying things like:

You suck

You are so slow

You should be way faster than this by now

You are going to come in D.F.L. in the Utah Half (fer shure)

My 69 year old phenom training partner Tony was with me and was very talkative this morning too. Sometimes during longish hot runs I don't like to talk. Tony understands this about me and is cool with it if I don't say anything for long stretches at a time. That doesn't prevent him from talking though (this is why we get along so well -- I don't ask him to stop talking and he doesn't expect constant conversation from me).

Here's an example:

Tony: Yeah we should go out to lunch later with Glenn and Marge

Stef's Head: WTF! What is he talking about lunch for?? It's early f*cking morning!! This run SUCKS I am so hot and slow.

Tony: Look there's another runner coming toward us on the trail! She has two dogs!

Stef's Head: Yeah she's so much f@cking faster than I am, I should be so much further along by now. Those dogs are nowhere near as cute as my dogs. Why isn't she carrying water?? Am I the only one who drinks like a camel in this damn f@cking desert heat????????

Tony: It's nice out here

Stef's Head: Please make him stop talking! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE HIM STOP! I want to go home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to be D.F.L. in the Utah Half and that is going to suck. I hate training.

Around this time Tony asked me what was in my head. I told him I wasn't saying cause he didn't want to know.

5 seconds later I told him:

Stef: Well Tony I was thinking I'm going to be D.F.L. in the Utah Half.

Tony: I don't think so.

Stef: Well I don't really think so either but sometimes my mind still goes to dark places.

Tony: That's understandable.

Then he said some more stuff about stuff and this all made me feel better. When we had less than a mile till home I felt even better. Then Tony asked me if I wanted to do some pickups/fartleks. I said NO absolutely not.

Five seconds later I said "oh what the f*ck, why not." We had fun racing each other down Wyoming on the way to my house.

Tony is an experienced athlete. He has run multiple marathons, done many many triathlons, and hiked in and out of various canyons and whatnot. So when he asked me what was going on in my head it was because he noticed I was in that dark place.

Tony gets that training sucks sometimes! He doesn't judge. At the same time he is a positive force and I'm sure he wouldn't train with me so much if I was as negative as I was two years ago. That 2007 tape has been playing a lot this week so I'm glad this week is over. :-)

Oh and tomorrow (Monday) is a rest day from training AND a a day off from my business. WOO HOO! This three day weekend arrived just in time for me to recharge.