Sunday, May 24, 2009

The 2007 Tape

In January I signed up for this "business boot camp" in order to have access to an expert in business building and also be a part of a group of entrepreneurs who are in various stages of building their businesses. It has been GREAT I have made many valuable connections, both in a professional capacity and also I've made some great friends.

One of the things this particular program addresses (and the reason I signed up) is how to get past fears and mistakes that entrepreneurs often make. In other words, anyone who is serious about the program is willing to get inside his or her head and face negative thoughts, beliefs and actions that may be standing in the way and work to shift them.

The program also addresses all of the typical aspects of running a business (marketing, copy, website, getting clients, working with vendors, hiring assistants, etc.) in a way that really resonates with me. So I am busy putting this stuff into practice and moving my business forward.

I was dubious about business coaching at first. SKEPTICAL.

But I also knew that I was not going to get where I wanted to go with my business by myself. Not without some type of coaching/support.

VERY analogous to Silverman!

The program has NOT disappointed. In fact it has over delivered more than I ever could have imagined.

In addition doing my marketing, copy, client work and all of the "practical" aspects of running a business I've been working on shifting non serving beliefs and pushing past fears to build a business writing white papers and more . . . not sure what the more will end up being yet but that's okay! In fact it's exciting!

So, in this process the tape that plays in my head has changed drastically from negative, self flagellating nasty epithets to more supportive, positive, reinforcing "nice" thoughts.

Now, the tape started to change started WAY before I started this business course -- it started with triathlon, it started with Liz's influence and guidance through training. And a lot of the stuff I'm doing now to build my business is analogous to training. When things get hard it really REALLY helps me to look at things in relation to how I train and my business coach/group coach has really responded to this. She often asks me about training in order to better understand where I'm coming from so we can figure out the best way for ME to approach a given situation since MY business is unique.

So during this morning's longish run (1:14) I was surprised and dismayed to hear the old tape playing. Actually, it has been playing in the background all week and making everything harder. We're talking the pre Liz, 2007 tape, saying things like:

You suck

You are so slow

You should be way faster than this by now

You are going to come in D.F.L. in the Utah Half (fer shure)

My 69 year old phenom training partner Tony was with me and was very talkative this morning too. Sometimes during longish hot runs I don't like to talk. Tony understands this about me and is cool with it if I don't say anything for long stretches at a time. That doesn't prevent him from talking though (this is why we get along so well -- I don't ask him to stop talking and he doesn't expect constant conversation from me).

Here's an example:

Tony: Yeah we should go out to lunch later with Glenn and Marge

Stef's Head: WTF! What is he talking about lunch for?? It's early f*cking morning!! This run SUCKS I am so hot and slow.

Tony: Look there's another runner coming toward us on the trail! She has two dogs!

Stef's Head: Yeah she's so much f@cking faster than I am, I should be so much further along by now. Those dogs are nowhere near as cute as my dogs. Why isn't she carrying water?? Am I the only one who drinks like a camel in this damn f@cking desert heat????????

Tony: It's nice out here

Stef's Head: Please make him stop talking! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE HIM STOP! I want to go home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to be D.F.L. in the Utah Half and that is going to suck. I hate training.

Around this time Tony asked me what was in my head. I told him I wasn't saying cause he didn't want to know.

5 seconds later I told him:

Stef: Well Tony I was thinking I'm going to be D.F.L. in the Utah Half.

Tony: I don't think so.

Stef: Well I don't really think so either but sometimes my mind still goes to dark places.

Tony: That's understandable.

Then he said some more stuff about stuff and this all made me feel better. When we had less than a mile till home I felt even better. Then Tony asked me if I wanted to do some pickups/fartleks. I said NO absolutely not.

Five seconds later I said "oh what the f*ck, why not." We had fun racing each other down Wyoming on the way to my house.

Tony is an experienced athlete. He has run multiple marathons, done many many triathlons, and hiked in and out of various canyons and whatnot. So when he asked me what was going on in my head it was because he noticed I was in that dark place.

Tony gets that training sucks sometimes! He doesn't judge. At the same time he is a positive force and I'm sure he wouldn't train with me so much if I was as negative as I was two years ago. That 2007 tape has been playing a lot this week so I'm glad this week is over. :-)

Oh and tomorrow (Monday) is a rest day from training AND a a day off from my business. WOO HOO! This three day weekend arrived just in time for me to recharge.


Lisa Slow-n-Steady said...

That same tape was playing in my head this morning too. Where's the off button on the negative thoughts?!?!?

Calyx Meredith said...

This week I have been learning to transform negative thoughts piece by piece! Isn't it AMAZING how even thinking a slightly less bad thought starts the spiral going in the other direction until you can finally get all the way clear with something? I'm so glad you let your negative tape out and let Tony's presence in as you got yourself in better space! Congratulations on all the wonderful work you're doing in both training and launching your new biz. (I am so FREAKING GRATEFUL to the training process for how much I've learned that applies to the rest of my life too!) And finally YAY for having a rest day on all fronts just when you need one!

Molly said...

Great attitude - it sounds like Tony is a really good training partner for you!!!

RBR said...

Ahh, the old tapes. I dust them off routinely and pop them in for a little trounce down memory lane. Always a great way to ruin a day or 30.

It is like Googling your ex boyfriend. Nothing good can come from it, but sometimes we just like the misery I guess.

Bad days will happen. Both in training and in life, but you have done so many amazing things to create new tapes. Sometimes you have to force them to play. Funny how it is easier for us to listen to the bullshit, but ignore our reality.

You are going rock the Utah half and have a blast doing it! I wish I could be there to see your smile as you crossed the line!

Umm.. there was mention somewhere on the internets about a marathon in Vegas on Dec 6th. Hint, hint...

WADDLER26.2 said...

You are so lucky to have a training partner like Tony and I am sure that he loves having you as a partner also. Keep up the good training.

ShirleyPerly said...

Stef, that Tony is a real gem of a training partner. It's been a while since I've had a major relapse in feeling like a failure or fearing being last but, in fact, I just had my first bad race dream last night which was not fun (realized I'd forgotten a bunch of things while setting up my transition area and meanwhile the race had already begun!). Funny thing is that I'm not that stressed out about the race on Sat (or so I thought).

Good work getting your run done and if you don't mind me asking, can you tell me the website for this business boot camp you attended? My sis is in the process of starting up her own business and may be interested in something similar.

Jade Lady said...

Thanks for sharing...sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who gets somewhat negative about training or other aspects of my life.