Saturday, January 7, 2012

Don't Feel Like It? Read This

John grilling for us in his backyard
A good friend of ours died yesterday.

Completely unexpectedly.

He was young (early 40s) with no apparent, obvious health problems.

He collapsed at work, was non responsive, and that was it.

Last time we saw John was in his home, Christmas Day. Thank God I have that celebratory memory with him and that it was recent.

Because you Never. Freaking. Know.
One of John's favorite things to do was to cook and have friends over. He did it at least once a week if not more.


Over the years, especially since Silverman, I've practiced being not so judgmental. Of other people. Of myself.

John never judged anyone.

If John knew you, he accepted you, just as you are. That was the prevailing theme of the evening last night as we sat around his kitchen table, sharing memories of him, toasting to him, and wishing he was there in person.

John was passionate about technology, computers, coding, and stuff related to coding that my brain doesn't understand well enough to explain.

He devoured countless books and spent hours programming. He helped us with our computers.

CES was a yearly celebration for him.

I loved to hear John talk about that stuff, especially the coding -- not because I understood a whole lot of it (I don't), but because he was just so freaking brilliant at it and it was SO obvious how much he loved it. I'm glad he devoted energy to it because . . . . . now he's somewhere else. He's gone.

I'm worried about Glenn -- and how this is affecting him. We never truly know what another person goes through -- so all I can do is observe, listen, and support.

So I'm pretty emotional today -- don't feel like eating, don't feel like training, don't feel like taking the Christmas tree down (yes it's still up and I love looking at it). 

John's death painfully reminds me that it's so important to go after what we WANT in life, and not spend our precious energy doing crap that doesn't really matter. Of course I do NOT mean some airy fairy "oh just do what you feel like" line of bullshit.
John supported Glenn's new business -- coffee mudslide!

There are certainly times when I don't feel like:
  • Writing 
  • Picking up the phone 
  • Editing yet another draft of something 
  • Networking for my business 
  • Training 
  • Eating
  • Figuring out what to post on the Frankly Good Coffee Facebook page
But everything on this list is tied to dreams and tangible goals that I'm passionate about! So I could bow to I-don't-feel-like-it-itis and spend my life on the couch spouting off a bunch of empty words to whoever is within earshot . . . . or I can (and do) stay in the game and act. Even when I don't feel like it.

What do you NOT feel like doing today that is tied to something that really matters to you? You may want to just go ahead and do it anyway.


Molly said...

I don't feel like eating, training, or doing just about anything today. My good friend, who even came and cheered at IM AZ for me the first time, is dying of ovarian cancer and declining VERY quickly. The best I can do today is eat healthy instead of emotionally and offer to help her friends/family in whatever way I can.

Stef said...

Molly that's a solid plan. And I understand. We lost my mom to the worst type of MS 8 years ago. The decline is torturous.

Your best is enough.


Wes said...

lots of reminders that life is so precious. {hugs} to your girl!