I haven't been blogging lately because I haven't wanted to put a lot of negative crap out there without context.
Truth is, training in this hellish inferno all summer has taken a toll on me emotionally. It has shown up in my motivation level (or at times lack thereof), it has shown up in my bike and run times (which honestly I would prefer that no one, even Liz, ever know but Liz knows cause she is my coach and stuff) and it showed up last weekend when I fell under the weather and bagged the entire weekend of training. Stomach bug. I was relieved to tell you the truth. I stayed in the AC all weekend, recovered and did not feel remotely bad or guilty for not training.
I've been frustrated with, and at times, resentful of training. Training has been no fun. Naturally it's not always fun but I have NO memory of Silverman training feeling even remotely hellish like this. I think it's because the long stuff started at the end of summer when things were more bearable and then of course fall is perfect training weather here.
So I haven't felt that positive lately about training.
And I have no idea how I'll do up in Utah but if my training times are any indication it's going to be a really long day. On the other hand it's not quite as hot up there and the course (bike and run) is billed as "pancake flat." Since I have absolutely NO experience on pancake flats it should be quite the adventure.
I do feel really strong and confident on the bike, despite my low average speeds. I'm not blaming the heat necessarily, but to pretend it doesn't affect me would be patently ridiculous. I had a minor episode today where I had a few seconds of "panic" and nausea going uphill with no breeze. I just felt like it was closing in on me. . . . . . fortunately it passed pretty quickly. My nutrition plan is second nature by now -- I felt strong running off the bike too. So I feel like I ended the long workouts on a strong note.
Now that I've made it to taper with my sanity intact, my general plan is to go up to Provo, be grateful for everything I have accomplished, race in the moment, and do the very best I can. I think that will be more than enough! Glenn and Tony are going with me. I have the best support in the world.