On Fear and Motivation

Sarah posted earlier and posed the question of what motivates? What gets us psyched about triathlon?

I identify a lot with Sarah because we are both training for our first half iron distance races. She races on 10/25, I race on 11/9. We seem to be going through some similar stuff – increased volume and intensity of workouts, the realization that "oh crap, it's really almost here" kind of stuff. Milestones are being set with astonishing regularity as we undergo the rigorous training that needs to happen to be prepared for an event of 70.3 miles.

What motivates me lately is fear. There is, literally, no room for slacking. And because there is no room for slacking, I do the workouts. I do them whether I feel like it or not, because with the race so close, I simply can't afford not to. And, for the first time, I am heeding Coach's advice and not looking at the next week in Training Peaks. I mean really, with all that is looming over me this week, do I really need to know? I think not.

It's not just training that is looming over me. I am working more and enjoying my work much more than I used to. I am making changes. And that's a GREAT thing. It's actually just the right time for that too because it puts my training in perspective. I don't have as much time to sit around and think about my training, think about how tired I am, how sore I am, how much I just don't want to swim 3100 yards today . . . I just do it. Because if I don't, well . . . I won't even think about that. That type of thinking has no place here. Silverman is MY race. I have it within me to do everything in my power to make sure that I am at my best on that day and SUCCEED!

My confidence is still there, it has just gotten quieter. I am more focused. Determined. At this point, actions speak louder than words. 12+ hours of training this week. That's some action.

Mrs. Feelgood

Ha ha what a silly post title.

The point of it though is that, finally, I feel pretty good during a recovery week! Oh I'm tired. In fact I think I am as tired as I normally am during recovery weeks. This time though I entered recovery week with the goal to not slack or miss any workouts. Mentally, I am finally dialed into the fact that I cannot sit around the whole week eating mac and cheese; that I actually need to fuel my body properly AND do the recovery workouts!

So . . . Monday was a planned day off. Tuesday was an unplanned day off.

Stick with me here . . . . .

There are two planned days off for this week. All I did was a bit of improvising to take Tuesday instead of Saturday off. Because the workouts are short, I moved Tuesday's workout (a swim) to Wednesday and BOOM! I'm back on track. PLUS I'm adding an open water swim because there is a clinic on Saturday. Follow? Good!

Oh I'm still tired. Sleeping about 9 hours a night. But I remarked to coach after my easy run last night that the run actually felt GREAT and I am not as tired as I "think" I am. The operative word being THINK.

Speaking of over thinking, I had a swim coaching session yesterday with Kara. Dear GOD! It SUCKED! At one point I thought that everything I could possibly be doing wrong with my stroke I WAS doing wrong. Took me back to the swim lessons I had when I was 11 and reminded me why after those lessons I never wanted to swim again. I actually found myself hating the water all over again and I actually asked Kara if I was the slowest swimmer she has ever coached. She said no, that I show lots of promise. That's good. When is that promise going to get here? Silverman is less than 12 weeks away! Promise! Where are you? Kara is an awesome coach by the way. Very knowledgeable, patient and able to improvise. Meaning that when she saw how badly I SUCK she focused more on drilling.

This is the first time I have ever gotten coaching feedback on my stroke since learning to balance and move in the water with the help of Total Immersion. I am not married to the Total Immersion method. I've never been coached in it. I learned it from a book. I credit Total Immersion with saving the sport for me because had I not learned to get across the pool without constantly gasping for air and thinking I was going to die I would have quit triathlon. I am now open to learning something new. And Kara is teaching me. It's frustrating but joining this swim group was definitely the right decision.

I swam today on my own and did fine. The only thing holding me back was my mind over thinking the stroke and reminding me that I suck at swimming. What a jerk! Despite my best (and lately successful) efforts to make my mind work FOR me sometimes it rebels.

I got home and complained to Liz that I am feeling discouraged about my swim right now.

She said:

Hey, aren't we all! :) This too shall pass. Stick with it, be patient.

Makes sense. Patience! Where are you? Silverman is less than 12 weeks away!

Gear

I just LOVE the new pair of pink Vanquishers I got recently. In addition to looking cool they are so clear and new and they are my first pair of shaded (or smoked?) goggles. GREAT for outdoor swimming in the blistering sun.

I've decided I need a real bike jersey but cannot find one that I like. Granted the only place I've really looked is REI but I am lazy like that. Does anyone know of anyplace local (Las Vegas area) or online that has cool jerseys? I'm starting to think of what to wear for Silverman and naturally I want to look as good as possible. Oh YES!

Finally, for the first time on Sunday, I tried a CamelBak on my long ride.

May I just say . . . . WOW. I hope whoever invented the CamelBak is drowning in an avalanche of cash. WOW.

I still feel like such a newbie cyclist.

I hate: 1) reaching for bottles and 2) descending long fast descents. The first one is annoying and the second one is just plain scary. Not sure when I will break through that barrier of fear but I digress from the GEAR.

With the CamelBak I sipped water whenever I wanted to practically effort free. And in this heat, I need to sip A LOT of water. Still had to reach for the nutrition bottles but reaching for two is better than reaching for three. I still had an extra bottle of water on the bike too, "just in case." My theory is in this climate you really cannot have enough water. But I didn't touch the extra bottle. In fact it is sitting in the fridge right now waiting for the next workout.

Don't know if I will wear the CamelBak for Silverman though.

Does anyone have an opinion on that who has worn one in a long race before? If so please let me know.

I'm in a recovery week and as usual the first couple of days have been tough. I feel pretty good now though.

That's Okay

It appears I am down to one post per week. That's okay. For now!

I have a lot going on. Some exciting stuff!

Training has gone stellar this week! Yesterday I had a good hard run. I waited until 5:30pm to do it so I got hot. Very very hot. I was prepared though because I planned to run at that time. I was pleased with the workout.

Was looking forward to swimming tonight in a coached session but after I had swum 100 yards they made us vacate the pool due to lightening. Nearly 90 minutes later they were still saying they were seeing lightening so we called it and went home.

Not in my control. Must move on. Unplanned rest day today. This bums me out a little. But again, not in my control. I showed up. I was ready to swim.

I've joined a tri swim group and tonight was going to be the first night of coaching. They meet as a group once a week for coached pool workouts for five weeks and then it will be five weeks of coached open water swimming at the lake. The pool they meet at is obnoxiously far from where I live so one of the coaches agreed to work with me separately. AWESOME! Until the lightening! So we rescheduled. Anyway their schedule works out to four swims per week, one coached and three on our own.

Yikes! That's a lot of swimming.

Coach and I discussed my current swim times and agreed that a good goal for me in the Silverman swim will be 50 minutes or less. I'll go ahead and put down my super awesome goal of 45 minutes or less.

I KNOW I have the strength and mental fortitude to meet these goals! I have been getting better and better at training my mind to work FOR me and damn it I can do that in the water!

Honestly, based on my current swim times, 45 minutes is ambitious. Because of that I was going to keep that goal super secret. But why the hell not put it out here!! What do I have to lose?

Um . . . let's see.

Can't think of a darn thing. My pride? Don't think so! I'm training hard I'm training smart, I am showing up to toe the line!

Meanwhile I have two nice long workouts (one of them a brick) scheduled for this weekend.

Probably post again on the other side of the weekend . . . . have fun and stay safe out there!

Through the Weekend!

I woke up yesterday pretty grouchy, with a three hour ride on the schedule. Had made some plans with Izaac and Kelly but I woke up feeling like I wanted to change my route and ride around Boulder City before heading down The Big Hill. So I texted Izaac and then we talked for a bit – sorry for any miscommunication there guys! I hope you had good workouts despite me not meeting up with you. I'm sure you did.

After talking with Izaac I had some real motivation problems getting going.

Glenn left to go sailing solo – cause he loves to do that. If it wasn't windy he was planning to anchor the boat out and go for a swim.

I sat on my ass drinking coffee for about an hour feeling discouraged, unmotivated, and sorry for myself.

Then I decided F*CK IT!!!!

I set up the trainer! I was PISSED OFF about it (feeling like it was a cop out and that I should really be outside in the heat and on the hills), but I just couldn't face the heat and the hills. So at 9:30 I had qued up my first episode of Law and Order, Criminal Intent and was off and spinning.

Started the ride in a bad mood, ended it in a good mood. I had done it! Coach always writes specific bike workouts for me so I had the paper in hand and simulated some hills, practiced aero, and did a lot of spinning. OH and I nailed my nutrition. Since I was inside I paid extra attention to drinking every five minutes, practicing with my aero bottle and practiced eating and getting the calories in. I did a sweat test and did not lose any weight during the ride. And even though it was inside, I was sweating bullets!

I figured the temperature will be somewhat comparable to Silverman. We keep our house at 72 degrees during the summer months. If we're lucky on November 9^th it will be low 70s and sunny with just a nice cool little breeze! LOL! Actually the weather could be anything that time of year but it most likely will NOT be high 90s and 100s.

I was supposed to meet Glenn at the marina for lunch but totally stood him up because I had started the ride so late and then turned my phone to "silent" so I would not be disturbed. I called him just as he was heading up the hill towards home. He got in the door, saw the bike on the trainer and I shrugged my shoulders and said "I did what I had to do." We both laughed.

Later on that evening we had a great dinner at a new seafood buffet with Jim and Andrea. So, overall I would call the weekend a success training wise definitely. Sometimes we do what we have to do to get things done and I was pleased that I came through for myself.

Training!

Training is going well!

I've been a bit overwhelmed by some of the volume and intensity but that is completely normal for me.

Skipped yesterday's 30 minute swim because my stomach was feeling a little wonky. Nothing too bad and I skipped the swim completely free of guilt!

This morning was a 1:45 run which Tony was kind enough to run with me.

I've mentioned Tony here before. He is a 68 year old PHENOM! He is retired, he lives around the corner from me (less than a mile away) and he does not seem to adhere to a particular workout schedule. He just loves to get out and run and bike. Although Tony is much, MUCH faster than me, since he has no particular agenda, he slows to my pace and regales me with his intimate knowledge of all the trails, mine shafts, race courses and the like that are around here. He points out places that would be good for hill repeats (no shortage of those around here)!

It was Tony who motivated me to get up at 5am today, which is absolutely the butt crack of STUPID, to run. We were running by 6 (I simply must have breakfast and coffee before working out). And while I hated it for a few brief minutes, having the run completed before 8am was certainly AWESOME! And somewhere at the start of the run, I thought I felt just a hint of cool air. Probably a hallucination, but it was nice.

We ran the Six Tunnels course (the part through the tunnels) which I absolutely LOVE. We went all the way to that steep nasty hill which was at the turnaround at mile 9, and made our way back. I had to stay in zones 1 and 2 so I was pretty slow up some of the hills but Tony didn't care. Nothing seems to faze him. Tony is scheduled to race the Pumpkinman Olympic course, and he is volunteering at Silverman. Very cool.

Tomorrow I have a three hour bike, which I think may be a solo ride. Tony has other stuff planned and Izaac's and my schedules did not quite sync up this week. This is probably a good thing as a solo ride here and there will benefit me. After all I'll be racing solo! So I will just really nail my nutrition and do some hill repeats like Coach wants me to do. Last week I was really REALLY sick of the hills and not happy with my weekend ride. Maybe tomorrow will be different, maybe not. Either way I'll get it done.

I looked at the schedule for next week and had a momentary freak out! 12 hours of training with NO DAY OFF. Additionally Coach said to throw an extra swim in there if I want to. Holy CRAP.

Yeah that seems kind of overwhelming to me. I know it's all relative. But moments like that make me glad I've not taken on an iron distance race. I am really seeing the benefits of building up fitness over time. Fitness and confidence! For me this is all still so new and coming from no athletic background I didn't have much to fall back on in terms of fitness.

There were people out there today running laps of the Six Tunnels course and I told Tony I was sure glad we weren't running that long. He said yeah but if we were training for a marathon or something (incidentally Tony has run at least 3 or 4 marathons – he told me he lost count) we would run that long we would totally get it done. True enough! I think for now though I've bitten off as much as I can chew.

Sometimes it feels like more than I can chew but for me that's totally the point. To push myself!

Vice

I absolutely love this crap.

Change in Perspective

Thanks to all of your comments and also to Coach (who set me straight but good), I am back where I need to be, not minding my pace because I am building STRENGTH and ENDURANCE.

Here is to being reminded of the big picture.

Also I have been inspired today by reading the race reports of Calyx (San Francisco Half Marathon) and RBR (Barb's Race Half Iron). Run along and read these. These girls are showing everyone how it's DONE!

Of course I am enjoying another rest day. OH yes! Time for LUNCH!

Have a GREAT week everyone!

Thrashed

I'm feeling a bit thrashed after this weekend's longer workouts.

Normally I don't mind this feeling – and I guess I don't mind it now either.

Except that I am SLOWER THAN EVER.

(*^#$*&^*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts about this:

• It would be SO NICE to not come in DFL at Silverman. Until this weekend, I was sure I would not. Now I'm not so sure. Am I looking at a DFL??? If so I need to get over it.
  
• I did push outside my comfort zone which was good. In talking to Coach, I need to do more of just that.
  
• I'm extra disappointed because I did push outside my comfort zone this weekend with no perceived gain from it.
  
• The bike course that Tony and I rode yesterday was difficult. One long descent followed by one long climb with a few (not many) rollers in between.
  
• Tony is a fellow triathlete and Boulder City resident. He is 68 and has been doing triathlons for 8 years. He could have totally kicked my ass on both the bike and the run but he kindly slowed to my pace. This gives me hope that I will get faster.
  
• Example: Tony says his normal running pace is 8-10 minute miles. I have yet to make the 10 minute mile my bitch. Not sayin' what our pace was today. J
  
• After thinking about it, I may not have gone as far outside my comfort zone as I thought. It's hard for me to push myself.
  

I am also tired of the heat but I say that every year at this time.

Next week is an even bigger week of workouts!

Okay moving on . . .

Many many blogger peeps raced this weekend!! Can't wait to read all about it!!!!

Blogging is FUN!

Izaac, Kelly, Donna, Calyx, Me, and Glenn

[my computer is being an A$$H^LE so I stole this shot from Calyx' blog. There is a similar one on my camera. There are also a couple of other shots of us at the house which I will post later]

When I first started blogging I did so as an outlet to write about something I loved. I figured that my family and a few friends might read it once in awhile, and once in awhile I would check out some other blogs, mostly for training tips. Little did I know what a huge niche triathlon blogging was, or that I would make such great friend, or that I would actually get to meet some of the people whose blogs I follow religiously.

Wes was one of the first tri bloggers to comment on my blog, and when he commented on every post, I honestly wondered why he would bother to read and comment on every single post. A few days/weeks/months of following Wes' blog I realized why. Wes is a great guy, a wonderful athlete and very generous with his time in commenting on lots of blogs. Through Wes I found Sarah's blog, and things began to steadily snowball from there.

Izaac commented on my blog a few months ago to tell me that he and Kelly live in Henderson and that we have lots of the same races on our calendar – thus came the true Godsend that are reliable and fun training partners. Izaac, Kelly and JT – at this point I would be lost without my local tri blogger buds.

Can't remember exactly when I started reading Calyx's blog but it was more recent. Calyx is fun to read and she is also easy to talk with. So when I got an email from her that she and Donna were taking a road trip out here and stopping through Hoover Dam/Lake Mead/Las Vegas I was SO EXCITED!

Reading about other blogger meet ups and training sessions is very cool and we were about to have our own meet up right here in the hot, dry, windy southwest.

Which is pretty much what Calyx and Donna said when I met them down at the lake yesterday. Something about it being really HOT here. And extremely dry. They pulled out their new wetsuits, I pulled out my Swim Safe Belt and we joked that at some of their other races it will be cold so they will actually enjoy putting the wetsuits on.

We got in the water, and decided to stick close to shore. This was fine with me as it was really windy and the water was pretty wavy. I still feel like I "need" the security of my wetsuit to swim out and along the buoy line when the water is wavy. Since this was a test swim for them in their wetsuits and an unstructured 30 minute recovery swim for me, there was no need to push too hard. So we swam in a line along the shoreline, sighting first on a silver pickup then (when the pickup moved) a blue cooler on the beach. We stopped a few times to talk, mostly about wetsuits, breathing and one thing and another. The waves pushed us back along the shore much faster than going out! All in all it was a great swim and for me it was my last workout before a rest day today. YES!

After the swim we came back to the house where we got to sit and talk for a bit and they met the pets, Brinley, Gaele, Clarence, Chloe and Lillian (Sammy always hides when company comes – honestly I don't know how she pulls such a complete disappearing act). We got ready for dinner and then met Izaac and Kelly at Henrys' where I proceeded to down a couple of beers. They were delicious! Since taking up serious training drinking has become almost nonexistent for me. Drinking even one beer can make me feel dehydrated in the morning and I just can't deal with that when I have workouts to do. But today being a rest day . . . bring it on! Summer Shandy – so DELICIOUS. So lemony. Mmmmmmm. Very refreshing.

Dinner was so much FUN! There was just so much to talk about in so little time!!!

I know we will see these girls again. They will either make another trip out here or we will see them in North Carolina. Turns out Glenn's sister lives very close to where they live in the vicinity of Raleigh. We've been there before and we will again. Now we have another reason to go. Calyx and Donna can show me their training ground and we can do some running or swimming together there. SUCH A SMALL WORLD!!

Here's to blogging . . . . and to meeting even more friends in person as time goes by!